Surviving While Scattered: Self Control [James Bible Study]
James 1:19-20
As I grab the box of cereal off the shelf and place it in my cart, I hear absolute chaos unfold on the other aisle. A grocery store isn’t typically a place you expect to hear such violence taking place. I transition from singing the 90’s alternative mix (that is playing on the store's intercom) only in my head, to singing it out loud in hopes of drowning out the sound of screaming. Finally, out of curiosity, or a chance to possibly save someone’s life, I peak my head into the other aisle.
To my surprise, I don’t see a world war taking place or a scene from a zombie movie unfolding. Instead, I see a dad counting out loud while his five-year-old daughter throws a tantrum on the floor. He told her she had until the count of three to control herself, but by the time the dad reached 87 he knew this wasn’t going to happen. Now this is pretty normal, considering the fact that kids do these kinds of things over the smallest matters. The smallest inconveniences to a child are enough to send them into a blinded fury. The obvious lack of self-control is an indicator of their maturity level. As a person matures, they also learn how to control themselves better. Spiritually speaking, we can make the same argument. As someone grows into spiritual adulthood, they will learn the art of self-control more and more.
The more we learn about Christ, the closer we can get at becoming like Him. Self-control is a very Christlike attribute. That is what we see here in James 1:19-20. Let’s Start with verse 19 which reads:
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger”
“Quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” So simple and straightforward, yet so difficult for us to master. This is such a hard battle for us that God gives us in His word many similar teachings. Some of these many passages can be found in Proverbs 10:19, 11:12, 14:29, 15:1, and 17:28. One day when we are all gathered to Christ these teachings will be in our very nature, but right now we need to work at it. The way that we walk and talk is very important to God. We have 3 things we can be working on taken from verse 19.
Quick to Hear
Often people aren’t even listening. They are simply waiting for their turn to speak. They are so excited to speak that they already know what they are going to say at this point. It doesn’t matter what you say to them because the next response has already been determined; they are simply waiting for their turn. Waiting to speak may look like listening, but the difference is astronomical.
There is a huge coffee chain that has seemingly nice employees. They ask how your day is going, what you are up to, and other basic questions. However, because they are doing this hundreds of times during their shift they really are not listening to your response at all. Every time you tell them something the response will be something like “Sick” or “Right, right” or “Cool!”. It really does not matter how you answer them, they do not hear you. You could respond to their simple icebreaker with: “Actually, because you asked, I’m terrible. You see, today I won $100 million from the lottery, but then was robbed at gunpoint by Jennifer Lawrence wearing a shirt that says ‘the books were better than the movies’”. The response would be something along the lines of “Sick!” or “Right, right”. Listening is hard, but it’s still a skill that every child of God should seek to get better at.
Slow to Speak
Jesus tells us in Matthew 15:11:
“It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a person”
We should really strive to pay close attention to the words that we allow to escape from our teeth. It’s interesting that besides eating something poisonous, there are little consequences for eating something. Our body is good at taking something we ingest, breaking it down, and getting rid of it. Our words, however, cannot be undone. They are planted in our hearts, watered by our thoughts, then blossom and are carried away by the wind of our emotions out of our mouth. We need to learn to control ourselves and our fragile emotions.
Slow to Anger
The reason for this is given to us in verse 20 which reads:
“for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
There is a difference between the anger of man and the anger of God. We cannot bring God glory, or produce His righteousness in the midst of our own anger. There is a time and place for anger, but for the majority of the time we all spend angry, I’d be willing to bet, is the result of a lack of self-control on our part. I'd be willing to bet it’s a result of sin and not God’s righteousness. A sad reality is that some preachers today possess zero self-control. Even worse, when they lash out in anger, they attribute it to God‘s righteousness. In other words, like Jonah, they say “I do well to be angry”.
Does God desire us to foam at the mouth and dive into a fit of rage in order to bring Him glory? I don’t think so. Matthew Henry says this:
“what men often pretend zeal for God and his glory in their heat and passion. Let them know that God needs not the passions of any man. His cause is better served by mildness and meekness than by wrath and fury.”
Yet there are entire movements today that pride themselves on “Hard Preaching.” This is basically the shock value culture of the Christian world. It’s an extremely hostile and abusive culture to be a part of. One way (out of many) that this style of “preaching” is abusive, is the constant screaming from the pulpit. I do not mean yelling, there’s a difference. Listen to a sports fan, cheering their team on from the sidelines and then listen to a domestic violence dispute, and you will hear the difference. For years and years I was in this self-control lacking, slanderous, deceitful, and abusive environment. Prideful, lying, and arrogant “Men of God” who have no need to rule with iron fists because everyone has been manipulated into almost worshiping them. Everyone is so brainwashed that they do not even know how to form a thought in their mind that hasn’t been molded by one of these power tripping tyrants. Any other pastor in the world that does not go on these long rants and throw all self control out the window, is seen as less of a pastor for not having the “guts” to call it like they see it. (AKA, pastors who have some decency and tact).
One of these pastors once told us parents that we are in sin if we ever yell at our children. Yet, he screams at the children and parents three times a week from the pulpit. So you have 3 times a week being screamed at by an oversized toddler for at least an hour, plus,countless hours of preaching online throughout the week for “entertainment” because all TV shows or movies are out of the question. That is more screaming per week than a death metal show. (Metal is awesome, hearing a grown man loose his bananas and attributing it to godliness, is not). That is so much screaming at you that it really starts to change who you are. Please note, I am being as clear as possible, I do not mean just screaming in general, I literally meaning screaming at the ones sitting in the pew. Where is the love? Where is the self control? Neither exist in these types of churches.
This type of spiritual abuse takes a toll on you mentally. The screaming, hostility, slander, lies, and Bible verses taken out of context, eventually make you desensitized to it all. You start to believe that is what church should be and all other churches are “Fun centers”. You’d rather go to “real” church and drive 1,2,3, or 4 hours to attend, or simply pack up and move your family closer to one. I truly worry for these people. It’s not just the tired “frog in boiling water” cliché, it’s worse than that. It’s much hotter than that. It’s the “hellfire and damnation” and out of control Preaching that worries me for these people's children. A frog knows what life is like outside the pot of boiling water. Even though the incoming destruction makes it’s way slowly, the frog has a reference point of what normal feels like. The frog remembers what it feels like to not be burning alive. These kids who are growing up in churches like this do not even know how amazing life could be if they would be willing to leave. They are going to grow up listening to and admiring these “Heroes of the faith” (barf) and they are going to try to become carbon copies of them. Because to them, that is what a good Christian is. That is what a good church is. Lack of control, hate, and anger.
Brothers and sisters, we must remember that self-control is very important to God. Let’s work on being quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.
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