Parenting with Humility: Why We As Parents Can’t Neglect Apologizing
Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@laurent_peignault
Have you ever lost it on your kids?
I sure have—more than I’d like to admit. It’s embarrassing and difficult because, as Christian parents, we try so hard to raise our children in a way that’s pleasing to Jesus. But we fail often—at least I do. Sometimes, when this happens, I reach for any justification within my 5-foot-8-inch grasp (otherwise, I need a step ladder). It’s so easy to make excuses for our misbehavior toward our kids:
“I tried for days to make them happy, stayed patient, gave them everything they could ever want, and now they’ve finally pushed me too far. They deserve my fury!”
But is this true? Is this how we should view parenting? Absolutely not.
It may seem unfair that, even with the stress of forming little humans, and carrying the weight of the universe on our backs, we have a responsibility to keep our cool with our children. Even when we’re giving it our all—sacrificing for them—and they thank us by responding like a pack of wild dogs, we still love them. We still try to show them the love and care that God shows us, even when we act unappreciative.
What About When We Mess Up?
It will happen—often. There will be times when we, as parents, lose our cool and treat our kids in a way that’s far less merciful and graceful than our Father in Heaven treats us.
The important thing is that when we realize we’ve failed—whether by losing our cool or by failing to act like the parent God calls us to be—we apologize.
You might say:
“But Blake, how do I avoid making the mistake of being a bad example in the first place?”
Well, that’s not my focus here. Instead of toiling away trying to avoid mistakes or striving for perfection, I’m emphasizing this: Be prepared to apologize. No matter how hard you try, how good of a parent you are, or how infrequent your failures, you will fail your kids at times. What matters is what you do afterward.
A Glimpse Into My Evening
Here’s how an evening in my household unfolded recently:
I walked up to the door after a long drive home from work—tired, irritable, but nonetheless prayed up and inspired to be the dad God has called me to be. As I inserted my keys into the lock, I prayed silently:
“Lord, please help me not to stress out or get worked up tonight. Help me love my kids like You love them. Help me be an emotional and spiritual pillar for my family.”
The door opened, and I was instantly hit with an onslaught of sounds and actions. One child stormed toward me with a picture, one ignored me entirely, and another threw a tantrum down the hall for reasons unknown.
I wanted to compliment the picture, understand why I was being ignored, and fix the tantrum, all at once..But my attention was drawn to the wailing and gnashing of teeth. After channeling my inner Sherlock Holmes, I figured out the cause of the tantrum and tried to resolve it. I knelt to eye level, cheered him up, and listened to his story. But as soon as he realized I wouldn’t give in to his demands, he became even more upset.
Meanwhile, the child ignoring me was now begging for food like she hadn’t eaten in days, reaching for her favorite snack. I shook my head no, still dealing with the tantrum. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw another child turning on the Nintendo Switch—the same Switch I’d grounded her from the night before.
All my patience vanished in an instant. Like a magic trick, I alakazamed into a fuming, screaming monster of a dad. Not even five minutes had passed since my prayer, and I found myself overtaken by sin.
How can I shepherd my kids’ hearts toward Jesus when I let my carnality take over? The guilt hit me like a ton of bricks, and I remembered my favorite Bible character.
King David’s Response to His Sin
When King David was confronted with his sin—adultery and murder—he immediately repented. He didn’t make excuses or blame others. He simply admitted his failure.
David was a leader, entrusted with authority and the well-being of his people. Yet, despite his immense responsibility, he made an enormous mistake. But here’s the lesson: He was humble enough to admit he was wrong.
We, too, have people relying on us. We, too, hold positions of authority. And we, too, often blemish or diminish our influence with our failures. But all hope is not lost. In moments of failure, we have a powerful opportunity to teach our children valuable lessons by humbling ourselves and apologizing.
We Fail When We Don’t Admit We Fail
If you, as a parent, aren’t admitting your failures to your children, you are failing all the more. Many people grow up resenting their parents because they never admitted their mistakes. Such parents are often viewed as controlling, arrogant hypocrites.
In Ephesians, parents are instructed not to “provoke your children to wrath.” This isn’t a fleeting frustration or anger; it’s a deep, long-lasting resentment. While mental and physical abuse can provoke wrath, so can an unwillingness to apologize.
When we fail to apologize, we show our children that we think we’re above correction. Even worse, we miss a chance to model repentance—a foundational concept in the Christian life, not only for salvation but also for sanctification.
Conclusion
We must be humble enough to apologize to our children when we mess up. They aren’t blind; they see when we fail and when our lives contradict what we teach them.
We cannot train our kids to control themselves when we, as parents, can’t control ourselves. We cannot train them to be humble and repentant if we aren’t humble and repentant ourselves.
